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Family Habbits
- Thread starter kilato
- Start date
This advice goes to the heart of a key finding of happiness research: It's important to learn to be content with how our decisions turn out. My children's preschool teacher, Joyce Drolette of Bozeman, MT, sent the girls home repeating what turns out to be a powerful mantra for happiness: "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit."
"I've never met a parent who will say she only wants what's 'good enough' for her kids," says Barry Schwartz, a professor of psychology at Swarthmore College, in Pennsylvania, and author of the book The Paradox of Choice. "But if happiness is your goal, that's exactly where you need to aim."
Schwartz's research shows that for many people, having multiple options and aspiring for the very best among them causes far more pain than gain. Schwartz calls these people "maximizers," and we all know them: They are the ones who can't enjoy the balcony at their beach hotel because they see a better balcony around the corner. In fact, maximizers may never even get down to the shore at all. They are so consumed with making the "right" and best choices that they end up paralyzed, unable to decide if they should ask for the pool view or the beach view. For every one of them, though, there is what Schwartz calls a "satisficer": someone totally at peace with her balcony, who goes out there, sits back, and enjoys the view. She knows she chose this hotel at this rate and will relish the fact that she has a few days to escape.
If you want happiness, Schwartz's research strongly advises, try to be a satisficer—and teach your kid to be one, too. "Explicit lessons are the least important ones," says Schwartz, a father of two and a grandfather. Most kids won't learn the behavior simply by being told that's how they should act. "The most important thing you can do is to model the behavior for your child."
"I've never met a parent who will say she only wants what's 'good enough' for her kids," says Barry Schwartz, a professor of psychology at Swarthmore College, in Pennsylvania, and author of the book The Paradox of Choice. "But if happiness is your goal, that's exactly where you need to aim."
Schwartz's research shows that for many people, having multiple options and aspiring for the very best among them causes far more pain than gain. Schwartz calls these people "maximizers," and we all know them: They are the ones who can't enjoy the balcony at their beach hotel because they see a better balcony around the corner. In fact, maximizers may never even get down to the shore at all. They are so consumed with making the "right" and best choices that they end up paralyzed, unable to decide if they should ask for the pool view or the beach view. For every one of them, though, there is what Schwartz calls a "satisficer": someone totally at peace with her balcony, who goes out there, sits back, and enjoys the view. She knows she chose this hotel at this rate and will relish the fact that she has a few days to escape.
If you want happiness, Schwartz's research strongly advises, try to be a satisficer—and teach your kid to be one, too. "Explicit lessons are the least important ones," says Schwartz, a father of two and a grandfather. Most kids won't learn the behavior simply by being told that's how they should act. "The most important thing you can do is to model the behavior for your child."